It has been almost 18 months since I last wrote anything on my blog, and a lot has happened!
But the short and sweet of it is more than a year ago I began the process of having gastric bypass surgery, seven months ago I actually had gastric bypass surgery, and today I have lost more than 100 pounds.
Now, to save myself time, here is my Facebook post from July 11, 2016 (the day before my surgery)…
I’ve thought long and hard about whether I wanted to share this on Facebook or not, but my life has always been an open-book and I see no reason to shut it down now…I am not secretive, quiet, dishonest, and I don’t like to write in a vague or mysterious way, so here I go!
The short version – I’m having surgery tomorrow morning that will change my life (no I’m not getting a penis), I’m a bit scared of not waking up from the anesthesia (this is not based on any type of logic, just me being a baby), and I love you all and I hope I’ve made you laugh at least three times!
The longer version, I promise it’s not “War and Peace”, you’ve got time to indulge me…
I was a very sick little girl, from one to four years old I had chronic bronchitis and upper respiratory infections, just before I entered kindergarten I stopped being sick – thanks to a week in the hospital in an oxygen tent. I now know, thanks to my doctors, that during this time, as my hypothalamus was developing, something got screwed up and I was left with a brain that thinks I’m suppose to gain NOT maintain my weight, as a result, from 5 years old my weight crept up every year and I suffer from childhood obesity…childhood obesity can be a side-effect of physical or emotional trauma.
I don’t use this as an excuse, I still take responsibility for every M&M I’ve shoved into my mouth, but it was nice to have an explanation.
I’ve tried every diet and I have exercised, always with some success, but I always hit a wall and before I know it I’m creeping slowly back up.
2 years ago I joined Overeaters Anonymous and had the most success I ever had losing weight, it helps when you have a support group and you work the steps, but eventually I hit the wall again. I continue my life with OA, because even though I joined for the vanity – I stay for the sanity! Everyone could benefit from 12 step, it’s an enlightening journey with some amazing people!
Weight loss surgery has been available for more than 20 years and for 20 years I resisted it every step of the way, believing I could do it on my own and not wanting the “easy way” out, but after hearing the explanation about my damaged hypothalamus and doing very thorough research, weighing the good and the bad, I decided that surgery was a valuable tool and not a solution, because I will always be battling the disease of obesity, even if I am model skinny…after the past six months and what I face over the next six months, I know it’s not the “easy way” out – the only thing I’m cheating is an early death, hopefully!
I started this process in January, I’ve been poked and prodded to make sure I’m physically and mentally prepared for surgery and life after surgery. I started out scared shitless and totally anxious, but now I’m equal parts nervous and excited…turns out having to be patient, a trait that doesn’t come natural to me, was the biggest blessing of all – I’m now ready for whatever happens on the other side of this surgery!
I’m 45, physically healthy, mentally strong, and spiritually sound…if God isn’t ready for me yet (I’m really hoping he gives me 45 MORE fantastic years) then I’m ready to kick ass with my new thinner body – I do hope I get to keep some of my ass!
Thank you to my family and friends for the love, support, encouragement and enthusiasm…y’all kept me going and I love you!
Thank you to my mother for everything, from giving me life to being with me every step of the way as I change my life, you are my rock and my favorite person to make laugh! I love you more than I could ever express!
Thank you to my husband; who tells me he loves me everyday, shows me he loves me everyday, tells me I’m beautiful everyday, laughs at my jokes and goofiness everyday, and makes my toes curl and head swirl everyday! He assures me he will love me even if I look like a wrinkled and deflated Shar-Pei! If God wants me baby – I will haunt you if you marry again, so become a celibate monk
I love you with every part of my soul and we will always be the “big door prize”!
I do not believe in religion, but I do believe in a power greater than myself whom I choose to call God…Thank you God for all the gifts you have given me; a loving and funny family, friends who would help me “bury the body”, an outgoing personality, a fierce sense of right and wrong, a big mushy heart, a sharp and honest tongue that I know how and when to control, a wicked sense of humor, and for my ability to do a full straddle! Ha!
I’m eternally grateful for not suffering from low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, or fear of the unknown…I would have rather carried the physical weight than the emotional weight.
I am blessed and I regret nothing, even the heartbreaks and mistakes, because it’s all been lessons learned…I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be
There you go Facebook, thanks for reading, I’ll either be back with my thumb size stomach or I’ll be on to the next realm! XoxoxoX
I don’t want to die and I hope I don’t die, I really want to be a smart-ass 90 year old hottie doing yoga…you either laugh or cry at the things that scare you, I choose laughter
I hope they give me kick-ass happy drugs before surgery!
So, it turns out I did not die and the drugs were OK, but I would have enjoyed something slightly more psychedelic! Ha!
I have laughed, cringed, and been amazed and baffled by the transformations my life and body have taken since surgery. I hope to write on a more regular basis again, and I will share some of my experiences in the coming posts…stay tuned if you’re interested, if not there is always Netflix and Chill 🙂6 months…I’m still ghostly white, just better mood lighting in the newer pic!