It’s not what you’re eating…it’s what’s eating you!

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Almost everyone I know and love, either by blood or fate, has an issue with food.

Some of them eat too much.
Some of them eat too little.
Some of them restrict their meals during the day and binge at night.
Some of them binge one day and restrict the next.
Some of them have been counting every calorie for decades.
Some of them try every quick-fix diet, pill, and program.
Some of them try to exercise away every excess bite they consume.
Some of them proclaim “I’m fat and I don’t care!”

I am just like them, with two exceptions; I have accepted I am powerless over food and I will always be a compulsive overeater, and I have the willingness to NOT take the easy or quick way to a better life.

“I am powerless over food!” – is quite possibly the hardest and most liberating thing I have ever accepted about my life. My control, my decisions and my reasoning for everything I put in my mouth has always been total bullshit, and I fucked it up so much that I managed to pack on enough pounds to double my size. Although it still shocks me to say this, I now turn everything over to my higher power, and do the work of recovery.

“I am willing to do whatever it takes for however long it takes!” – I don’t struggle with the willingness, nearly as much as I struggle with the timeframe. I am impatient, as most addicts are, I want to be happy now, I want to feel good now and I want to be “normal” now, but I know the key is to find the happiness and gratitude in every day and the goal to be “normal” is never going to happen to me in this lifetime. I will always have to have a plan of eating and my addiction will always be there, in the dark, ready to pounce, just waiting for me to believe it is the solution to feelings I don’t want to feel.

I never thought I had extreme feelings or emotions, I was usually the calmest person in the room and always great in a crisis, but if by chance you did see me overreact or freak out, you knew the “shit had hit the fan” and you’d better get out of my way!”

Of course I had feelings and emotions, I had them all, but I ate them away! Stress, boredom, love, lust, hate, anger, envy, frustration, impatience, sadness and happiness were all stuffed into my mouth…the size of my ass proves it!

For me, I know the way isn’t with another diet plan, magic pill, or a major surgery. For me, it is the journey to recognize my feelings and emotions when they happen, and not turn to food for comfort, love or entertainment. If it takes me until I am 50 years old to reach my healthy body weight, than so be it, because when I get there I will know I did the work by trusting the path my higher power wants me to follow…Overeaters Anonymous is that path!

“I LOVE FOOD!” – I have said it a million times, I have heard it from others a million times, but the truth is this…FOOD IS AN OBJECT AND IT WILL NEVER LOVE YOU BACK!

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2 comments

  1. ydoctor2015 · July 18, 2015

    You put into words so many things I experience. Reading your description gives me a sense of peace to know I’m not alone in the way I relate to food. Thanks for your post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so true. It’s inspiring to hear your struggle and your determination to fight back. I believe in you. And I love the quote at the beginning, and the quote at the end. Food won’t love us back. And we don’t have to be enslaved to it. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

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